But what's different about this comic is that it's the full embodiment of how I felt. I felt sick. wasted. Burned out from working in front of computers, worrying over other people's ideas and methods for executing those ideas. I was eating at one of my favorite diners whose prices have been forced to go up because of the changing social climate in San Francisco. I feel stupid for continuing to live here without a plan. I have no plan. But I wanted this breakfast because old habits are fun.
I found myself outside of my head while I was sick and wanted to express that detachment. I was finally done with color correcting, editing text, erasing pencil marks, finishing the inking of lines. Correct anatomical proportion went out the window, and I didn't censor any of the very real, dark, stupid and pedestrian thoughts that passed through my mind as I wrote this comic.
This comic won't land me a job. It will be a deterrent. I wasted more money not posting it online when I should've posted it online, so it hasn't done me any favors financially in the past, nor will it in the future.
So why have I decided to post it? Because it reminds me that I am a messy, imperfect, human being. I am not a robot. I am not efficient or well designed. I can not spit out code or mathematical equations at a satisfactory pace and I was not created to be made an example of an elite superpower. I'm just a human.
I'll work as hard as I can and I'll make stuff, even if I'm sick. But I allow my imperfections to guide me in design decisions. Not every time, but in times when all other strategies have failed.
Take this comic for example. As I post this to the web site, I could have cleaned up all the pencils. I could have edited out the coffee stain on top of the page. I could have made sure all the lines were penciled and accounted for. But I left all the imperfections in because it fit the narrative of the comic. This makes sense in my mind.
At least I have that going for me.
Posted by Ekim Tiki